January 30, 2007 (Tuesday)

I got Ashley up this morning for her breakfast. She was having a difficult time breathing through all the congestion. I cleared out her right nostril which had a lot of mucus build-up.

I set Ashley in front of the water bowl, and she got a drink on her own. I, then, placed her in the litter box, and she peed. She got out of the litter box on her own and lied down on the floor. I picked her up and placed her in the usual place I feed her. I feed her in a medium-size box – a Kraft cheese box from Sam’s. It keeps her in one place; so, she can’t back too far away from me when I hand feed her.

Ashley lied down in the box. This is not normal. She’s very weak. She couldn’t sit for long periods to eat. I hand-fed Ashley, but it was very difficult, and she fought me quite a bit. I managed to get her to eat her usual ¼ can of cat food. Ashley struggled to eat and breathe. She seems to be still breathing partially through her mouth. The sides of her mouth blow out slightly as she exhales. She gags sometimes as she tries to eat and swallow because of the mucus she’s also swallowing.

The noise she makes sounds kind of like, as Mom described it and I have to agree, a percolating coffee pot.

After Ashley finished her breakfast, I gave her the Clindamycin. Hopefully, it will help her with her congestion. I followed the Clindamycin with a little bit of water from her little bottle.

I placed Ashley on the couch to rest, which she seemed to be doing.

Today is Tuesday. Dr. Wellman has surgeries all day today; so, I will have to wait until tomorrow, Wednesday, to call and see if there is anything else we can do for her. She can’t have any Dexamethasone until at least Friday and the Clindamycin doesn’t seem to be working.

Mom had a doctor’s appt. today. When we left, Ashley was resting on the couch. I made sure her nose and mouth were clear of mucus. I gave her a kiss and hug and told her I loved her and I’d see her later.

After returning home, I checked on Ashley. She had some mucus coming out of her nose. I took her out from under the couch and cleaned out her nose with a tissue (Kleenex). While we were out, we stopped and got two new kitty beds to try to make her more comfortable. One is a pad-like bed that’s supposed to keep them warm with their own body heat. The other is a low-rise round bed. We figured she could use the low-rise bed to rest her head on as she tries to sleep, as she rests upright with her feet tucked under her. She doesn’t sleep on her side much lately because of the congestion going down her throat.

After cleaning her little nose, I placed her in the low rise round bed. She laid in it until I got her supper. I let her rest first because she seemed so peaceful. As expected, she first laid upright with her feet under her and her chin resting on the low rise sides. She then lay on her side. I was surprised to see her lay on her side, kind of peaceful-like. I let her stay until about 7:30 – 7:45 p.m.

About this time, I took her to the litter box. I placed her in front of the litter box because I knew she was weak. I didn’t want her to fall – her legs sometimes give out because she’s so weak – into the litter. She just laid down where I set her down.

I took her and placed her in the box where I feed her. When I placed her there, she laid down. She made some congestion noises, and I tried to talk calmly to her telling her it was time for supper. I put a very small amount of food on the tip of my finger and placed it in her mouth. She tried to eat it but it was a struggle. I tried with a couple more small fingertips of food. I had to really pry her mouth open but with her paw she pushed me away. I could see she was really struggling. I decided after she ate a very small amount not to force her. There really didn’t seem to be a way to feed her with her breathing so bad. She kept gagging on the congested mucus as she tried to swallow it. For a moment, I think she may have choked a little on the mucus, as I had to tap her on her side, because her tongue came out of her mouth on one side and her eyes got a little glazed. When I tapped her side a couple of times, she sort of snapped out of it.

I picked her up and sat in a chair with her. I took a warm wet face cloth and washed the food from her mouth, face and paw and the mucus from her nose. I sat there and held her as she struggled to breathe. I told her I would call Dr. Wellman in the morning to see if there was something he could give her or me to give to her. Then, again, she started having problems with the congestion as if she may have gagged on the mucus. I tried to make sure her head was not leaning back, so, as to not let the mucus drain down her throat. Then, suddenly, as I held her and she clung to me, her body twitched. Her tongue again came out slightly. I tried to tap her side again, but she began to get very limp. Her legs twitched a couple more times and then her body released, resulting in her peeing and going completely limp.

It was approx. 8:05 or 8:10 p.m.

I held her until I was completely sure she had passed away. I cried and told her I was sorry. I did all I could. I didn’t know what else to do.

As I said to her, I was going to call Dr. Wellman’s office tomorrow to find out if there was anything else we could give Ashley instead of the Clindamycin while waiting for Friday for her to be able to have another injection of Dexamethasone. I didn’t call today, as I said, because I know he does only surgeries on Tuesday. I guess I should have called anyway, maybe he would’ve had something he could have given her or us to give her.

Maybe she’s better off. I’m sure she’s gone to see Jesus because she was so sweet. It’s too bad she was so young – 6 yrs old, just 3 ½ months shy of her 7th birthday.

Now, tomorrow, I’ll have to call Dr. Wellman’s office and Dr. Harris’ office. Dr. Harris won’t find out until next week when she gets back from vacation.

Meanwhile, I placed Ashley in an old laundry basket with an old pillow, complete with old pillow case, in it. I allowed the other cats and the dogs to go up to the basket and sniff around. I did this with Gizzy, our last kitty that passed away due to cancer. The other critters seem very interested. They all knew she was sick and seemed to show a great deal of concern. Hershey, one dog, would look at Ashley and then us. With concern and wrinkling up his face, he would look at us like "fix her". Copper, another dog, would sit by her and baby-sit her; so, no one could bother her. One by one, each of the cats would go up to the basket and check on her. Some would sit and stare. I wondered what was going through their minds. One, the youngest, Katy, has never seen another critter pass away. She honestly appeared to not understand. As Ashley lay in the basket, Katy placed her paws through the holes in the basket attempting to try to play with Ashley's paws. When she didn't get a response, Katy would just sit and stare at Ashley. This was repeated for about for about 20 minutes. Finally, after staring at Ashley for a few final minutes, Katy went about her business. This way the other cats and dogs were able to see what had become of Ashley. I didn't want them to wonder where she went. I wanted them to know what happened and to understand Ashley didn't just disappear. I left Ashley's body in the basket for the night. I placed an old towel used for the critters over her body, except for her head. I placed her beside my bed; so, she would be near me. All the other cats and dogs got their chance to say good-bye. Ashley was a great big part of their lives, as she has been of ours.